There’s nothing like a tattoo that flaunts one’s flaws, and apparently Wayne Rooney understands that. The Manchester United and England National Team superstar has “Just Enough Education To Perform” inked on his forearm, and we think that the piece has just enough sarcasm to be awesome. He also has “English and Proud” on his shoulder, and some praying hands on his back, but while we respect the man’s faith, and kind of respect his national pride (These colors don’t run! Just kidding England, you’re the only friend we got) they’re both pretty generic; now when a man tattoos himself with a tag that basically calls hims stupid, that’s something we can really get behind. Man, between that tattoo, and his new hair plugs, we’re starting to think that Wayne really doesn’t care what anybody thinks about him…and we dig it.
Jeremy Renner; critically acclaimed star of The Hurt Locker, The Town, Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol, and The Avengers; and overall awesome guy, has far less ink than we thought he would. By “far less”, we mean that he has one tattoo, that’s it. Didn’t you think he’s have more? He just seems like the kind of guy that would be hiding two full sleeves, but nope, he’s just one solitary piece of work on his left shoulder. The lone tattoo is of his family crest, which our research has concluded is of German origin (our “research” consisted of visiting a Jeremy Renner fan-site, where someone else had done the actual, kind of creepy, research needed to know this). He’s in his forties, so we’re not sure if he’ll be getting any further work done, but we’ll keep an eye on the ink and keep you posted.
We all make mistakes when we’re young, even celebrities…especially celebrities. The same gusto it takes to make it big in Hollywood is often the same gusto it takes to say…get some bad ink done when you’re a teen. Take Ben Affleck for example, although he was great in The Town, has movies like Argo coming up, was the bomb in Phantoms, and captivated us all in The Voyage of the Mimi (which we though was a real documentary when we were kids… stupid misleading science teacher); he still found time to get tattoos that he regrets. He’s stated before that he wants to get rid of them, but so far they’re still there, and they include: barb wire (right bicep; although he seems to have covered that up with a new piece), a dolphin (somewhere on his body, it covers up the name of his High School girlfriend),a huge cross (left arm), a fish intertwined with a skull and crossbones (right arm), and the initials “OV” with “MOH NON TE” written above it and “TA OR” underneath it (shoulder blade). That’s some collection, but we have to imagine that if he really didn’t want them anymore, he’d use some of his millions to get rid of them, so he must have some attachment, like that old shirt you won’t throw away, or your grandma.
It should come as no surprise that Chris Evans has some tattoos; after all, the star of Captain America:The First Avenger, Puncture and What’s Your Number? is young and in shape. It’s also not too surprising that he has some very cliched tattoos, with the notable exception being the tribute to his best friend (who unfortunately passed away in an accident) that he has inked on his ribcage. The tribute says “In Loving Memory of Bardsley With Me Always”, and is a nice bit of sentiment; other than that though, he has the standard Japanese Kanji symbol on his arm, some sentence in Kanji on the same arm, and a ‘Taurus’ symbol on his shoulder. We can’t hate on him for having standard ink though, we all have it, and none of us are Captain Friggin’ America, so Evans is cool in our book.
Tyson Beckford has some dense full arm sleeve work. You can see he started with some Chinese dragons on both arms, designs and characters and slowly filled in more and more. On his neck he has some more Chinese characters and the name Jordan (the name of his son) on the other side. The mother of the American supermodel is Chinese Jamaican so his Chinese heritage is probably why he has chosen so many Chinese motifs but his mother apparently isn’t happy about all his tattoos (they never are). After the dragons, it looks like the arms are almost filled in completely with dark ink designs. On his back, inside of a large cross it reads “Lord of Lords”, he is probably talking about Jesus there.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, one of reality-television’s worst creations; she may be annoying, but there’s no doubt that she’s a celebrity, and as much as we all can’t stand her, we also can’t take our eyes off of her. It will be even harder to do so from now on, as the Jersey Shore star went out and got a big piece of ink on her right shoulder. She already has a tattoo…you guessed it…on her lower back; and it says the always cliched, “La Famiglia” (‘Family’ in Italian). Her new piece, which she claims is her favorite (of two…ugh), is a crown with jewels, a cross, and a large pink bow. Hopefully the bow is some kind of breast cancer awareness thing, so that at least the tattoo has some redeeming quality to it, because otherwise its kind of stupid looking. It’s also taking up the majority of her right shoulder, a spot that doesn’t always look the classiest on girls who otherwise aren’t heavily inked. Overall, I’m obviously not impressed with it, but I’m glad that it’s not an Ed Hardy dragon or an Affliction skull.
Nothing says “mild obsession” like tattooing someone else’s likeness on your body, and nothing says “mild obsession taken to semi-idiotic lengths” like tattooing someone else’s signature on yourself. This brings us to a couple of diehard Robert Pattison/Twilight fans who have tattooed the star’s John Hancock on their arms. Now we have zero issue with Pattinson, despite how ridiculous Twilight: Breaking Dawn may seem, he still seems to be an alright guy; but the idea of inking someone else’s signature on yourself makes no sense to us. We almost, almost, understand getting the person, or their character from whatever work you hold dear; at least that may represent your connection to the source material and how much it means to you. Fine, we kind of get that, we even almost get it when people tattoo impactful artists’ (like this Paul McCartney fan) signatures on them because maybe they touched your life through their work, but a young actor? He plays a part in a movie you like, and at best you think he’s interesting; he’s not permanent body-marking material.
You know, for a man known for being an on-screen tough guy in films like Die Hard, Armageddon, Tears Of The Sun, The Expendables, and Looper, Bruce Willis isn’t very heavily tattooed; and what he has, isn’t very impressive. The coolest piece of ink that Willis has is the skull on his left arm…that they drew on everyday as part of his role as John McClane in the Die Hard movies. In real life, Bruce Willis has only gotten three tattoos; the first of which, three stars on his left shoulder, is covered up by one of his other two. Now on his left shoulder and chest; he has three angels battling it out, which while the work is nothing special, it’s nicely done. He also has a dragon on his right shoulder, which like the work on his left side, is nice but unimpressive. So folks, while Bruce Willis has had an awesome career as an actor, his career as a tattooed guy hasn’t fared as well, we have a feeling he still finds a way to sleep at night though.
Emma Stone seems like a class act. While most young Hollywood starlets go out and pick really dumb cliche tattoos off the wall of the shop and get them just to be rebellious or for attention; Emma Stone did pretty much the exact opposite, getting a meaningful and very original tattoo. The star of The Help and The Amazing Spiderman got a bird’s footprint inked on her wrist to match her mother and honor her recent successful bout with cancer. The bird feet represent both Stone women’s favorite Beatles’ song, Blackbird, and they’re one of a kind. How do we know they’re so original? Well that’s because Beatles member and rock legend Paul McCartney drew the design as a favor to Emma, whom he met and befriended through her Zombieland co-star Woody Harrelson. It seems like Emma Stone is a different breed than most; good for her, now we know why Jim Carrey is so awkwardly in love with her.
There’s a picture of Megan Fox (The Dictator; Transformers) with her husband Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210; the unemployment line); they both look pretty inked up, but that’s about to change. Megan has a sun on her ankle, Brian’s name on her hip, the Japanese Kanji for ‘strength’ on her neck, some kind of infinity snake-thing on her wrist, “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies” on her left shoulder blade, “There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her HEART” running down her ribs, and a portrait of Marilyn Monroe on her right forearm. Brian has…no one cares what Brian has; other than sleeping with really gorgeous women over the years, the guy hasn’t been relevant since Zubaz Pants were cool (the first time). Anyhow, citing that she didn’t like the turmoil and darkness involved in Marilyn’s life, Megan will soon be getting the portrait removed from her forearm. Brian will also be getting some tattoos removed…again, no one will care.