Let’s set some things straight; Tony Parker looks like a giant French baby, like an actual toddler that got shot by a reverse shrink-ray; Eva Longoria is one of the most attracive women in the world; he supposedly cheated on her. So their divorce really shouldn’t be considered the worst thing that’s ever happened to the Desperate Housewives star; the tattoo of his jersey number that she got on her back on the other hand, now that’s a catastrophe. Luckily, a healthy bank account and access to medical technology can emilinate a lot of life’s mistakes, so Eva Longoria (formerly Longoria-Parker) dropped some cash recently and got her “nine” tattoo removed, effectively and literally erasing Tony Parker from her memories. Good for her, because like we said before, giant baby…seriously.
Ummmm…nice tattoo Rihanna. It seems that boredom is catching up with Rihanna, as the “Umbrella” and “Rude Boy” singer is starting to get dumb tattoos. As you can tell from the above pictures, Rihanna got “Thug Life” inked on her knuckles in pink. Don’t get us wrong, when Tupac Shakur inked “Thug Life” across his stomach, it made sense and actually looked pretty cool. However, when a 23 year old girl who has been famous since she was a teenager gets it done in pink-ink…well, it looks a tiny bit really ridiculous. Tribute or not, it’s just not a nice tattoo; it has no real meaning, and getting it in pink takes away any bit of legitimacy it could ever hope to have. We can’t help but think that all she’s doing is tarnishing a rare talent’s legacy in the name of getting attention and feeling cool. Rihanna needs to get back in the studio, or get back on the road before she makes any more tattoo-related mistakes.
Yeah, we don’t know either. Kyra Sedgwick, of The Closer has a very strange looking and fairly large piece of ink on her lower back, but we cannot for the lives of us figure out what the tattoo is. The woman that wrangled Kevin Bacon looks great, even in her forties, and she doesn’t by any stretch look bad with the tattoo (which we think she’s had for a while now), but we can’t tell if it’s a dream catcher, or something she doodled on a piece of paper while she was bored one day. Whatever it is, it seems to have a floral theme to it…and that’s all we got, sorry folks; we’ll let you know whaen we finally figure out Kyra Sedgwick’s tattoo.
We’ve been seeing a lot of Lean Rimes in the tabloids lately, as the “Blue”, “How Do I Live”, and “Swingin” singer’s marriage with Eddie Cibrian and its effect on his family have made her pretty solid gossip fodder. So with that said, it falls upon us to tell you about Leann Rimes tattoos, which are really underwhelming, but are there none-the-less. On her ankle, she had some sort of tribal band which just seems like a random design; and on her hip bone she has “Still I Rise” (the title of a Maya Angelou poem). She’s also had designs drawn up and stenciled on her for a possible future tattoo of her wedding vows, which would say, “You gave me the courage to be truthful. I promise to give you the comfort to be trustful.”.
First one tattoo, then weight loss, soon a boob job, and now another tattoo? It would seem that Snooki is basically trying to become J-Woww (bet you the guys that invented the English language never thought that would be a sentence). The oompa-loompa-ish star of Jersey Shore hit up the tattoo parlor again recently and got some more work done. She got some stars with leopard print to match the stars that she has on her left shoulder (we’re not sure when she got the design on her left shoulder, but it must be sometime after the larger tattoo she had put there recently), and they look…boring. As with most tattoos that party girls and guys with spikey hair get, they’re very generic and seem to signify less of deeper meaning, and more of a “Hey look! I have tattoos!”. We’re pretty sure that she puts zero thought into what she gets put on her body; she just closes her eyes and points at a random page in the book.
Kirstie Alley has had a strange, but successful career; beginning with her Emmy and Golden Globe Award winning time on Cheers, heading into her “look how unhealthily fat I am and how much i yo-yo diet, doesn’t that make me interesting”, and finally bringing her to her succussful reality show phase. As part of her new and interesting life, Kirstie Alley has had some tattoo work done on her wrists. She got her first ink while she was on Dancing With the Stars, it says “Unbroken” in script on her left wrist. Her second tattoo was done during a recent appearance on Ellen, it’s a “T” and a “L” in honor of her children, True and Lillie, and she got it to celebrate her 61st birthday. Alley is a good place in her career right now, and she’s got her weight under control, let’s hope she keeps it that way and makes tattooing her new vice.
Okay, so it’s one thing to be an average joe and get your wife’s picture or name tattooed on you, and then get dumped and have to live with it in private or semi-private shame the rest of your life, but it’s another thing to be a famous record producer/rapper and have your even more famous ex inked on you for life. Jermaine Dupri is in that boat, as a coupleof year back, he went out and got his girlfriend Janet Jackson tattooed on his side, only to see their relationship crumble just weeks later. We’re unsure if he’s since gotten it removed, or if he’s keeping it in hopes that she eventually comes back to him and makes his ink relevant again. Let this be a lesson though folks; if you love someone and and to show it via ink, get something that symbolizes them, not their picture; at least you can lie about a symbol; pictures are hard to make up stories about. “I uhhhh got Cindy’s face on my stomach because she uhhhh…remined me of my grandma”; sounds stupid, doesn’t it?
We’re not sure when country legend Dolly Parton got her “tattoo”, hell, we’re not even sure if that’s a tattoo, because it could just as well have been a ketchup stain judging by its size. Regardless, people that got a closer look at the Joyful Noise star claim that she has a small tattoo of a rose between her breasts. We guess we can see it, and it makes sense that she’d be okay drawing more attention to her chest, seeing as how a large part of her image has been that large part of her build. Really folks, when it comes down to it, who cares? She’s Dolly Parton, she’s a National Treasure; she’s got her own theme park (DollyWood), countless awards, millions of records sold, does a ton of charity work, and has been married to the same guy for over 45 years! She could get “Celebrity Tattoo Design sucks” tattooed on her face and we’djust be happy she thought of us.
Michael Poulsen of Danish rock-band Volbeat is as much a rockstar as a rockstar can get; he just oozes it. He’s almost always wearing black, has a pompadour, and is sporting a ton of tattoos. It’s hard to tell what all of his ink represents, but from what we can see: he has his parents’ names tattooed on his knuckles, Johnny Cash’s name on his chest, Elvis’ full name and portrait on his arm, a spider web on his elbow, Elvis’ full name on his forearm, “Social Distortion” (the band) on his other forearm, some “Sailor Jerry” style roses on his chest that surround an angel and a panther, a sheriff’s star on his chest, and some tribal on his arm that seems to include a pentegram.
Ron Swanson wins. Yes we’re fully aware that we didn’t stipulate any sort of contest, or set up any sort of comparision; we’re just saying that no matter what the situation, Ron Swanson wins. Nick Offerman plays Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, so by extension he also wins no matter what. Oh yeah, he has a couple of tattoos too. He has a cross design armband on his left arm, and some sort of crest on his right arm; two pieces of ink that have a very every-man quality to them, like tattoos you would see on a carpenter or a woodworker. They make sense when you realize that he is in fact a woodworker in real life, and a very talented one at that. Think about it folks, Ron Swanson is just as manly in real life, that’s like finding out that Santa Claus is real and that he’s your dad.