No folks, she didn’t do that one herself…well we don’t think she did…okay, if she did we’re really impressed with her mirror skills. Known for always having a tattoo gun at her side so that she can permanently scare any sap that gets close enough and/or drunk around her, Ke$ha added some new ink to her body recently, and we’ll be the ones to say it: it’s dumb. The “We R Who We R” and “Tik Tok” singer got “Suck It” tattooed on the inside of her lip, and while we have no problem with people getting ink inside their mouths, we do have a problem with women co-opting that phrase from the male gender…we’re lying, we have a problem witth unfunny women co-opting that statement. Basically, if Kaitlin Olsen or Amy Poehler got the same tattoo, we’d think it was hilarious, but we’re not really sure that Kesha even gets why that would be funny, she’s just doing it for shock value, and that dumb and annoying. So with that said, we boo you Ke$ha; boo.
Here’s the deal folks; the problem with tattoos becoming more and more accepted in society is that while we’re excited that we’re no longer looked at like scumbag for having ink, everyone and their mother are getting them. This includes all your favorite boy-banders and teen idols like (*pukes a little in mouth*) Justin Bieber and One Direction’s Harry Styles. The only One Direction song we know is “What Makes You Beautiful”, and that’s the most unfortunately awesome song ever, so we’re strangely okay with young Harry getting a tattoo. Actually, he has two…well he’s had two sittings at least. The first time he jumped in the chair he got himself a hollow star on his arm that people think represents spirit, truth, and hope. His next sitting yielded some writing underneath that is aparently the lyrics to a Temper Trap song called “Sweet Disposition”. We actually hope that Harry Styles gets more ink so that we have more of an excuse to like that song, but until then, we will only sing along in shame.
We need to stop this kid from getting any more tattoos, because if we have to write one more article about Justin Bieber getting ink, we’re going to burn the whole office down with us in it. The “Boyfriend” and “Baby” singer has a few tattoos already and recently teased that he’d be getting matching ink with his girlfriend Selena Gomez. Now come word that he’s gotten a new tattoo that has nothing to do with his Disney love-affair. On a recent appearance on The Late Show, ole’ Justin Beaver showed off the “Believe” tattoo on his forearm, which he got in honor of the title of his newest album. This logic really makes us wish that he named his new album “Your Mom Says Hi” or “Baby Puncher”, because either one would be way more fun to see on the arm of a teen-pop idol. The current piece looks more like something a drunk baseball fan gets after his team wins a playoff game. Look, we don’t like Justin Bieber, but we also really don’t care that much, so it would just be easier on us all if her stopped getting stupid looking tattoos.
Wow, kids make really bad decisions these days. Following the current trend of celebrity couples getting matching tattoos (Kim and Kanye have been mulling it over recently), Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are reportedly getting dual ink. The “Boyfriend” singer and the Disney Channel star have been an item for quite some time, so despite the fact that they’re both still teenagers, they’re going to get the matching work to add to their already growing collections. Bieber has a couple of tattoos already (including a matching one with his dad), and Gomez kind of has a little spec of ink on her body, so it’s not like it’s their first body art. However, that doesn’t make it a good idea, as the two have a fairly slim chance of staying together in the long run. Sources say that the tattoos will be very small and therefore easily removed, and that they will be done by artist-to-the-stars Bang Bang.
So that’s weird…yeah, that’s pretty much the best thing we can say about these images. You’re looking at the tattoos of a guy whose Twitter name is @MileyCyrusCarl, and he’s apparently such a big fan on ole’ Hannah Montana that he’s tattooed her name, likeness, autograph, and we think song lyrics (we refuse to do that kind of research) all over himself. What in the name of all that it creepy is wrong with this guy?! Is he a stalker that we should worry about? Or is he just so monumentally dense that he thinks that it’s normal for a grown man to get tattoos of a teen-pop idol all over his grown-man self? Did we mention that he has fifteen of them all together? That means he’s by all definitions “heavily tattooed” and it’s completely because of his love for Miley friggin’ Cyrus. Look, we could be wrong and this guy could be a saint that saves kitten from burning nun-factories, but if he ends up being a kook, we won’t be surprised. Also, that arm-ink looks like the girl from The Ring…so that’s weird too.
Why is it shaped like a gun? That’s the question we want “Umbrella” singer Rihanna to answer, because she’s a girl in her mid-twenties who’s been rich since she was a teenager, so it’s not like she’s been out on the streets gang-banging. The tattoo that we’re talking about is the latest in a string of many that Rihanna has gotten (she’s up to around 17 at this point), and it’s an “Egyptian falcon” that has its wings in the shape of a pistol. The singer tweeted: “Falcon: a light that shines in the darkness! Never close their eyes during sleep.”to explain the animal choice, but has yet to explain why she has to be such a go-hard about it. It’s for that reason that we don’t like her new ink…and it also looks like a pigeon more than a falcon, or the spawn or a pigeo-falco one night stand; we don’t trust hybrid animals.
Okay, so Kat Von D of Miami Ink and LA Ink fame has a ton of tattoos, we know that and we can discuss that some other time; today we’re here to talk about something way more important than that. Today folks, we’re here to show you the absolutely horrible tattoo that the reality star got while she was dating Jesse James (the American Chopper star who married Sandra Bullock then cheated on her because he was a Nazi…something like that, don’t quote us on the “star” part); it’s of James when he was a little boy, and it’s terrifying. The tattoo, which she hasn’t removed since they broke up, looks like someone didn’t know whether to be Chuck from Child’s Play or a Children of the Corn on Halloween and so they went as both. We’re not sure of this is an insult to Jesse James or the artist who did it, but either way, that thing is ugly and is further proof that you should never get anything too personal about someone else inked on your body.
Okay, so we’re in no way surprised by this, but Angelina Jolie went and got herself a new tattoo, and its got a message! Sarcasm aside, she seems to be a genuinely good person who usually get nice ink so we’ll stick with her on this one. The tattoo says “Know Your Rights” across her back; it’s actually the title of a clash song, but the Fifty Shades Of Grey director and Maleficent actress says it means more than that to her, and that it should mean more than that to everyone. The message is aimed at everyone in the world who is being denied basic human rights (education etc) and is a call to the world to take responsibility for knowing what they are entitled to…or something like that, we were blinded by the light that our monitors emit when her and Brad Pitt stand next to each other for a photo. We read most of the article in brail, so yeah, dot-dash Angelina Jolie’s new tattoo is cool.
Kathy Griffin doesn’t seem like the person who would get a tattoo for a loved one then regret it; she seems like she’d get the tattoo of course, she just doesn’t strike us as someone who feels regret very often. However, when that loved-one is a husband who she’s no longer married too, we start to understand her feelings a little better. You see, the My Life On the D-List star had a wedding ring tattoo on her finger that she got when she married Matt Moline in 2000, but when they divorced 2005 she changed her mind and had the ink removed. The Kathy star opted to have the body-art removed by laser rather than cover it up with a different piece or just live with it. That makes the tattoo a pretty expensive mistake, but she’s a millionaire and a celebrity, it’s her job to make expensive mistakes.
What…is…going…on? No sooner did we mention to the ink-loving public that jazz legend Sade recently tattooed a fan, did we hear that Kesha is an amateur tattoo artist! The “We Are Who We Are” singer recently revealed that she gives a small tattoo to anyone who comes over to her house. For instance, while working with Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips, Kesha (we refuse to justify that stupid dollar sign) gave the rock singer an undetermined tattoo on his toe…and it’s his first! Listen, we’re pretty heavily inked here at Celebrity Tattoo Design, and we wouldn’t let that annoying voiced mo-tard anywhere near us with a marker, let alone a tattoo gun. However, celebrities are nuts, so Kesha keeps a tattoo gun at her side and inks anyone who will let her, and even if they don’t have any ink yet, they let her do it because she’s famous. Rich people need real hobbies.