Why is it shaped like a gun? That’s the question we want “Umbrella” singer Rihanna to answer, because she’s a girl in her mid-twenties who’s been rich since she was a teenager, so it’s not like she’s been out on the streets gang-banging. The tattoo that we’re talking about is the latest in a string of many that Rihanna has gotten (she’s up to around 17 at this point), and it’s an “Egyptian falcon” that has its wings in the shape of a pistol. The singer tweeted: “Falcon: a light that shines in the darkness! Never close their eyes during sleep.”to explain the animal choice, but has yet to explain why she has to be such a go-hard about it. It’s for that reason that we don’t like her new ink…and it also looks like a pigeon more than a falcon, or the spawn or a pigeo-falco one night stand; we don’t trust hybrid animals.
Who is Charlize Theron? She’s the Academy Award winning star of Monster, Young Adult, Snow White & the Huntsman, and Prometheus. Who isn’t Charlize Theron? Someone with a lot of tattoos. In fact, the two tattoos she has are barely even there at all, they’re two tiny flowers on spots on her ankle/foot, and you probably wouldn’t even notice them if we didn’t tell you about them. Judging by how blurred and tiny they are, we’re going to guess that they were done when she was much younger, perhaps as some sort of teenage rebellion phase. We don’t see her getting any more ink done because she hasn’t done it yet, and she’s been at the “I can do whatever I want” phase of her career for years already. Besides, we can’t really see new tattoos looking good on her, they would break the classic-beauty look that she’s cultivated over the years.
Gisele Bundchen has done a lot as model; she almost single-handedly ended the “herion chic” era of ultra thin models, has made over millions and millions of dollars, and is the most prominent of all the Victoria’s Secret Angels. However, she hasn’t accomplished nearly as much in the tattoo chair; she has a few tattoos, but none of them are big enough to even qualify as “pieces” in our book. She has a little star on the inside of her wrist, a moon and stars on her ankle, and an undetermined design on her bikini line. We don’t see her getting any more ink done, as her modeling career involves a lot of her being in almost no clothing, and more ink means more make-up to cover it with, and more that just makes life harder. She’s also a mom and a wife now, two lifestyles that don’t usually lend themselves to getting a lot of inkage.
Jon Bon Jovi is from New Jersey and that explains a lot when you try to place his musical style and also when you take a look at his tattoos. We’re not gonna comment on the nature of that Jersey style, whether it is good or bad or whatever, we’re just saying it kinda makes sense. He’s got a Superman tat on one shoulder and a cow skull with a feather on the other. Those are ok, they look a little old, they could use some new color and a little embellishment to give them some new life. The dragon one on his ankle is the most interesting but somewhat colorless too.
Kelly Ripa doesn’t seem like she’d have any tattoos; we can’t really put our fingers on it, but something about her wholesome, always smiling image,,just doesn’t scream “I have ink!”. Regardless though, the co-host of Live With Regis and Kelly, Live With Kelly and All My Children has two tattoos, and she doesn’t make any effort to hide either one. The first tattoo she got is on her ankle, and is a tribal design surrounding a flower. Her newest tattoo is on her wrist, and it says “Consuelos”; it’s in honor of her husband and former All My Children co-star, Mark Consuelos. With Regis’ recent retirement, we know that Kelly is looking for a new co-host, and we really hope that she takes the search as an opportunity to get in touch with her inked side and chooses someone with serious body art; we suggest she go with Henry Rollins. Think about it, they could talk tattoos, she could talk about carpet samples, and he could punch audience members in the gut while yelling about the budget crisis, it’d be the return of “must see TV”.
Okay, that does it. As if Chairman Of The Board wasn’t enough; as if being completely ‘roided to the gills for no reason wasn’t enough; as if if having a bunch of plastic surgery and looking like an off-duty drag queen wasn’t enough; Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson has finally made us anti-him. Not that we were fans before, but at least we were indifferent. But really? A tiny carrot? That’s ridiculous. Even if he got it before he discovered the gym and some needles, he could have had it redone to fit his giant body a little better. He also could’ve gotten a more interesting carrot (we’re sure that’s a thing); like a guy with a carrot for head, or a carrot with his hair instead of it’s actual top, anything but a real carrot. Look, the guy sells out shows in Vegas all the time, and he’s been gainfully employed as a comedian for over twenty years, so it’s not like he isn’t funny at all; he really could’ve come up with a better tattoo.
Best known for her portrayal of ‘Santana Lopez’ (does that sound like a 1970′s television show about a Mexican private detective to anyone else?) on…(*cringes*)… Glee; Naya Rivera is also a solo artist and songwriter, and she’s also heavily tattooed (well she has a lot of tattoos, they’re all pretty small though). From what we can tell, she has a peace sign on her left ankle, the word “fighter” (not in English) on her right wrist, a shooting star on her right foot, a bow on the back of her neck, and a fairly large cross on her lower back. Judging by how many she has already, and the fact that she’s only in her twenties (still erks us that she plays a teenager though), we expect Naya Rivera to get at least a little more ink before it’s all said and done.
Well folks, it’s time to face facts; Justin Timberlake is kind of awesome. For years, many of us (males in particular) have tried to pretend that just because he started out in N’Sync and had fancy hair, the In Time star was never going to be more than a boy band-er. However, his albums Justified and FutureSex/LoveSounds were both pretty epic, and his acting talents have shined in films like The Social Network and Bad Teacher, proving that he’s now a full fledged star. Somewhere along the line, he also went and got some pretty okay tattoos, which include the cross on his shouldler, the angel with his mom’s initials on his back, the N’Sync logos on his wrist and ankle (okay, those are still pretty goofy, but we all make mistakes; right guy with barbed-wire tattoo on his forearm?), the zodiac sign on his calf, and the Chinese character for “music” on his ankle. Are they the best tattoos? No, but they’re not bad, and they’re way cooler than Nick Lachey’s.
Drew has reportedly six tattoos with the cross on her ankle and the butterfly on her stomach being the largest and most noticeable. Just to the side of the butterfly is a floral design. On her back she has a trio of angles carrying a cross with her mother’s name. None of the tats have much color, a little blue on the butterfly and a bit of greenish black on the cross. The cross has a vine wrapped around it. Also, she has a moon on the big toe of her right foot. These are some standard designs but its all about the execution, placement, color and meaning to the wearer. Butterflies and crosses can still be good choices if done in an interesting way. In this case, although there is nothing outstanding or that spectacular, hers aren’t bad. She wears them well and they add a little character to her flesh.
Remember when Nicole Richie was in the tabloids every day? When you couldn’t read her name without reading “drunk”, or “eating disorder” in the same sentence? Well those days are gone folks, now she’s just Lionel Richie’s daughter, and a mother of two; but she still has some ink from her bad girl days. She has a pair of angel wings tattooed on her back (we guess they were ironic?), “Virgin” on her wrist (again, irony…or it’s because she’s a Virgo…or it’s weirdly specific?), a rosary on her ankle and foot, a cross on her lower back, her last name on her neck, a shooting star on her wrist, a tiarra (because she was a princess…get it?) on her thigh, and a pair of ballet slippers on her hip bone (in honor of her father’s song “Ballerina Girl”, which is reportedly about her).