Category Archives: Chest

Madden Shows His Love For Diaz In Ink

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Let’s add Benji Madden of “Good Charlotte” and “guy with tattoos who used to be more relevant but still has enough money to hang around fancy bars and date celebrities” fame to the list of dudes who have gotten their significant other’s name inked on them. The rocker recently got the name “Cameron” tattooed across his chest in honor of his new wife Cameron Diaz (“Annie”; “Being John Malcovich”; “Bad Teacher”), and while it’s a well done piece of body art, I’m never too huge of a fan of the idea in general.

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In his defense, Madden has a ton of ink already, so even if he turns out regretting his new ink because of a divorce, at least it will just kind of blend in with the rest of his tats and make for an easy cover up. The same can’t be said for people like Dean Mcdermott, that dude has a big ole’ Tori Spelling face on his arm…for the rest of his life…forever.

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AJ McCarron’s Chest is a Mess

AJ McCarron is about as big a fish as there is in the sea of NCAA Football, and now he’s got a tattoo that’s just as big…well at least it is now. The Alabama Crimson Tide Quarterback is one of the few people in the history of the sport to lead his team to back to back national titles, and he’s also one of the few quarterbacks in college football history to have a gigantic tattoo on his chest, and much like his legacy as a quarterback, his chest piece just keeps on getting larger and larger, and more and more impressive…okay, the ink isn’t that impressive, but the legacy is awesome. So now, about that tattoo…

When it was first revealed to the public, the piece was a simple crying Jesus with the words “Bama Boy”, “Ma”, and “Pops” surrounding it; simple, but pretty friggin’ huge. It looked an awful lot like the J-man was trying to burst out of his chest Alien style. The placement is a little crazy for what we think is his first tattoo, and the art style is a little two soft for such a serious figure. We’re not the religious types around here, but we tend to think that major figures of religion should be inked in a more sharp and serious style. Regardless of our opinions on the original ink, the piece has just kept on growing, and in recent months the world got another look at it. The new additions to the work include a hanging cross, a smattering of stars and stripes, cloud etchings, the words “Home Team”, “God’s In Control”, and some Sailor Jerry-style doves. The new additions make for a pretty cool overall aesthetic  but the piece overall does not feature the best execution we’ve ever seen. It reminds us of some of the tats we got when we were younger…the one’ s we ended up being unhappy with as we got older. Not because we don’t like what the tattoos stand for anymore, but because we’re unhappy about how they turned out artistically.

AJ McCarron has a bright future ahead of him; one that should include a lot more ink, and probably a lot more bad tattoos, because if there’s one bad tattoo, there’s always going to be a second one coming down the pike. We’ll keep you posted on what he ends up with, and how long his “a cheap tattoo is a good tattoo” phase lasts.

ScarJo Puts The “Art” in “Body Art”

Scarlett Johansson is an interesting young lady; she’s always walked the line between glamorous and trashy, sometimes successfully mixing the two, much to the confusion of us all. Within the same time frame, she walked the red carpet to raves about her classic Hollywood good looks, and openly admitted to having sex with Benicio Del Toro in an elevator. She also spent three years married to Ryan Reynolds, which whether you’re a woman or a man; gay, straight, or other; you have to admit seems like a good idea. The more we think about, she’s actually really awesome…except for her taste in tattoos; she seems to be lacking in that department. During a recent trip to Paris, the Avengers star got some new ink, and it’s…ummmm…it’s pretty darn horrible actually.

As you can see, the multi-millionaire got a horseshoe with an ultra classy “Lucky You” banner around it on her ribcage. We’re going to assume that she’s inferring that whoever sees her naked has gotten lucky, which is true in a real life in the flesh sense, but not so true in the grander scheme of things (in case you forgot, some nakey pictures of her spread through the web like wildfire a few months back). Either way, it’s a horrible piece of body “art”.

For starters, it looks like a third grade Indianapolis Colts fans art project, and not like a professionally done piece of work. Secondly, it’s really trashy, and not in a trendy way; in a “stripper who hangs out at airport hotels on Sunday nights” sort of way. Thirdly, it’s placement doesn’t even make the most sense, as whoever takes her clothes off would have to crane his neck sideways to see it properly. Finally, it’s so bad that we almost made the headline: “Body Art? More like body fart!”. Okay, so that last one happens every time we do any article about a bad tattoo, but still, it’s not a good sign.

Our final assesment of Scarlett Johansson’s new ink is that she must’ve done it ironically. Not to say that she doesn’t think that someone would be lucky to see her lady parts, but we think that she said: “I want to get a really trashy tattoo because I think it’s funny how rich and famous I am”. So basically this is her entry into the world of people with annoying hipster tattoos that hold zero meaning, zero sentiment or fond memory, and aren’t even funny. Hey, at least she didn’t get a Pringle’s Guy (or the “Natty Boh Guy Hon!” if you’re from Baltimore) mustache done on her finger; that makes us want to start fires.

Chris and Rihanna Go Another Round… Of Ink

Well folks, the simple truth about our business is that some days there’s just nothing to write about, and others…well other days the world of celebrity gives you a shiny nugget of amazing to write about. Today is one such day, as both Rihanna and Chris Brown have gotten new tattoos within days of each other, and they’re so amazing that we almost didn’t believe that they were real. No, not “amazingly cool” or “amazingly well done”, there’s no fun in that; nope, they’re amazingly bad! The best kind of amazing! These two both already have their fair share of ink, especially Brown, but these new tats take the cake.

First up, we have Rihanna’s tattoo, which is supposedly a tribute to her grandmother. What’s the best way to pay homage to your momma’s momma? By getting the area directly under your boobs tattooed! Duh! She got some sort of Nubian or Egyptian goddess right smack dab on her breast bone. The wings spread under her breasts, which kind of makes it look like her boobs are going to fly away at any given moment, and the goddess’ head-dress extends up into her cleavage area which should lead to some weird looking cleavage. Now this isn’t a bad tattoo in the poorly done sense, it’s actually pretty nicely, albeit simplistically, designed; it even has a similar quality to the hawk that she recently got on on her foot. However, it’s a bad tattoo in the way of “why would someone who isn’t out of space everywhere else tattoo the area directly under her breasts!?”. We hate to be the ones to drop the old “How’s that going to look when you’re older?” on someone (especially considering how bad some of our ink is), but the moment she get’s pregnant or starts losing the age-old battle with gravity, that tattoo is going to look horrible. However poorly thought out Rihanna’s new ink may be, at least it’s not horrendously offensive and terrible…Chris Brown has that angle covered for the both of them.

Before we go any further, let’s just put this out there: Chris Brown is the worst. He’s a walking, talking everthing-that’s-wrong-with-music; he’s over produced, over praised, over confident, over forgiven, and we’re over him. So with that said; let’s all guess what the worst possible tattoo a guy who once beat his girlfriend (Rihanna, for those of you who take residence under the proverbial rock) to a pulp could get. Seriously, guess; pretend you didn’t look at the header picture and guess what the worst tattoo Chris Brown could ever get is. Yes folks, that’s not Photoshop, that’s a tattoo of a beaten woman on the neck of a guy who beats women. Furthermore, your eyes aren’t decieving you, the woman in the tattoo looks an awful lot like Rihanna…like a lot like Rihanna…as in “That’s clearly a tattoo of a beaten Rihanna on Chris Brown’s neck!” like Rihanna. Brown has of course denied that the tattoo is of Rihanna, instead calling it a coincidence and saying that it’s art but not a portrait. Does he really think that we’re all that stupid? More importantly, how many people actually are that stupid? If his album and concert ticket sales are any indication, a lot of people are that stupid. This new tattoo is just another reminder that Chris Brown doesn’t respect anyone or anything, and that he has horrible taste in ink. Furthermore, whoever did this piece should hang their head. Giving him this tattoo is no different than being the guy who inks hate symbols on Neo-Nazis; seriously dude, it’s not worth the money or the publicity it brings your shop.

So there you have it folks, Chris Brown and Rihanna both got new tattoos, and they really sum up the entire situation between the two of them. Rihanna got something that was well intentioned but ultimately a bad idea, and Chris Brown got a tattoo that shows his complete lack of respect for the female species and for people as a whole…and they both look pretty dumb in the end.

 

Bieber’s New Ink

 

Ugh, here we go again. We’ve talked before about how upset we are that “Boyfriend” singer Justin Bieber keeps getting tattoos. Well, he must’ve heard us, because as if only to spite us, he’s gotten more, and the newest one is absolutely infuriating. As if to declare himself the new King of Pop, Bieber has gotten a crown inked on his chest. We know about said tattoo because he insisted on posting shirtless pictures of himself to show it off. So here’s the issue: he isn’t the king of anything yet, he’s never even won a Grammy! Weird Al has Grammys! Okay, bad example; Weird Al is awesome and deserves all the Grammys, but the point remains: the kid hasn’t earned that ink yet.

He also really needs to stop posting pictures of himself shirtless; the kid doesn’t appear to know what the word “push-up” means, so he shouldn’t be showing the world his underdeveloped psysique like it’s his job. He’s built like Shaggy from Scooby Doo and an Ostriche had a baby, so he needs to keep a shirt on. We also can’t help but think that he thinks that tattoos make him a “Bad Boy”, well they don’t Justin, we all know you’re a wimpy little kid. Tattoos are meant to represent who you are, not who you’re pretending to be. We really can’t think of a nice thing to say about his new ink except for “Yeah, that’s a crown alright”, so we’re going to stop talking now. You’ve ruined our day again Bieber, and we’re sure this won’t be the last time.

Chris Brown’s Crazy New Ink

Chris Brown already has a bunch of tattoos, but much like assault charges, he’s still find room for more. The “Look At Me Now” and “Beautiful People” artist/girl punch/Drake fighter recently got two new tattoos in a ten day span, and both of them are a bit ridiculous. First up, he went and got his neck inked; it’s a nicely done tattoo, but we’re not really sure we get it, seeing as “it” is “an Indian Cheif tranforming into a wolf”. Is it supposed to be a representation of the two sides of his personality? Well then the wolf almost makes sense (we would’ve gone with hyenna), but that would mean that the other side of Chris is…in charge of a tribe? Wise? Owner of a casino? It’s really a mixed message. The other new tattoo, which appears to be on his back or forearm is a little more straight forward, but just as dumb; it’s Brown himself wearing a painter’s mask. It’s called “The Bandit” and represents his new love of art. Whatever man, way to put yourself on yourself un-ironically… what a nerd.

Former “Teen Mom” Star Gets Inked

We’re not completly sure if we’re ready to refer to one of the stars of Teen Mom 2 (she wasn’t even on the original cast! She saw how stupid the show and it’s cast were…and still got pregnant and went on the show!) as a celebrity, but one of them got a new tattoo, so let’s talk about it. Kailyn Lowry says that the back piece isn’t finished yet, but it’s already pretty friggin’ extensive. The piece, which is seven sessions deep already, has a caption that reads “to the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world” and features flowers, trees, and rolling hills. It’s aparently going to be some kind of big landscape piece, but we’re not sure if she’s going to extend it into her mid-back more and add a ton of design, or if she’s just going to build on the outline design that she’s got going. She should probably keep it as the outline she has now, because her lack of tattoage elsewhere would make a full back piece look a bit out of place. We’d like to give her more guff about the ink, but it’s not bad work and the message is really nice, so we’ll let her slide. We will however give her guff about being a teen mom; thanks for the new drain on the economy Kailyn, we really needed another one.

Dolly Parton Gets A Tattoo…We Think

We’re not sure when country legend Dolly Parton got her “tattoo”, hell, we’re not even sure if that’s a tattoo, because it could just as well have been a ketchup stain judging by its size. Regardless, people that got a closer look at the Joyful Noise star claim that she has a small tattoo of a rose between her breasts. We guess we can see it, and it makes sense that she’d be okay drawing more attention to her chest, seeing as how a large part of her image has been that large part of her build. Really folks, when it comes down to it, who cares? She’s Dolly Parton, she’s a National Treasure; she’s got her own theme park (DollyWood), countless awards, millions of records sold, does a ton of charity work, and has been married to the same guy for over 45 years! She could get “Celebrity Tattoo Design sucks” tattooed on her face and we’djust be happy she thought of us.

 

George St. Pierre: Kanji And Love Of Canada

George St. Pierre (GSP) is one of the greatest talents in the history of mixed martial arts (MMA), but he’s definitely not one of the most tattooed. The Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Welterweight Champion of the World and perenial top three pound for pound fighter only has two tattoos on his entire body. GSP has kanji symbols on his left pec that represent the two sides of his personality (“rude and nice” as he puts it), and a Fluer De Lis on his calf to represent his homeland in Quebec, Canada. A big reason for GSP’s lack of ink is probably his major maintsteam endorsement contracts with Gatorade and Under Armour; deals that have a lot to do with his ultra-clean cut image. While many fighters play up the ink-covered bad-boy image, GSP is all suits and polite speaking; he’s the guy that you’d want your daughter ro marry, and that guy usually doesn’t have too many tattoos.

Maroon 5’s Adam Levine Loves His Mom, Music, And Ink

As the lead singer of ulra-popular pop/rock quintet Maroon 5, Adam Levine has won multiple Grammy Awards; hit the top of the charts with songs like “This Love”, “Harder To Breathe”, and “Wake Up Call”; and secured himself a gig as a vocal coach on the hit reality show The Voice. Adam Levine is a full fledged rock star, and part of being a rock star is getting tattoos, and Levine has done that plenty. Amongst his tattoos are a tribute to his mom on his left forearm, triple “2”s on is forearm to represent the first studio Maroon 5 recorded in, a paw print, a shark representing his nickname, “Los Angeles” on his right shoulder to represent his hometown, a guitar on his forearm, a large tiger on his forearm, the roman numeral “X” to celebrate his bands ten year anniversary, a dove and cherry blossoms in rememberance on 9/11, a a bird on his sternum (perhaps to commemorate when he broke it), and some other various designs throughout his body.