Category Archives: Kylie Jenner

Kylie Jenner Inks Miles Richie…It Looked Unsanitary

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She wasn’t even wearing gloves folks…that’s how people get infections. We’re not sure how we feel about any of this, so we’re just going to tell you how we feel about each individual factor and give you some facts…and then probably get really angry and rant for a while. Ready? Go! Okay, so Kylie Jenner, of “My dad Bruce was a great athlete and my mom is a terrible person who put our family on reality television…and now I’m a model because I’m pretty enough that my famous name makes me marketable” fame and Miles Richie of “my dad is Lionel Richie and I like punk rock but have no actual marketable talent” fame are buddies. That’s all well and good, they hang out with other untalented children of famous people like Jaden and Willow Smith and they all stay away from the rest of us as a result, so good for them. However, as part of their whole “we’re so edgy because we take black and white Instagram photos and we’re angsty because…uhhhh…next question…” teenager phase, they’ve started getting tattoos and making the rest of feel bad about the fact that now people can look at us and go “Oh, you have tattoos, like that Lionel Richie’s son!”. So we’re upset that they’ve started entering our culture, but what are we going to do? At least they’re helping to make ink more acceptable. However, now some irresponsible tattoo artist in California, who may end up losing his license because of it, has allowed Kylie to tattoo her initials on Miles…and allowed them to video the whole thing. So now Miles Richie has Kylie Jenner’s “KJ” inked on his hand/wrist, and some dude is probably going to have to go to court and defend his ability to make a living because he let an underage kid without a license or gloves operate in his shop. We’re very annoyed by the entire thing…and that’s about all we have to say about that. Actually, we have more to say: Stop letting celebrities do whatever they want! They’re never going to become legitimate members of society if you keep letting them break the law simply because you want to be in their next selfie! Okay, now we’re done.

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The Jenners Get Ink! Literally.

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If we had to named the least annoying females in the Kardashian-Jenner empire, we guess we’d have to go Kendall and Kylie Jenner. How many of you thought we were going to say Bruce? We thought we’d do it to, but we’re suckers for patriots and therefore will never truly smack talk an Olympic Hero. So anyhow, Bruce’s daughter bother us the least out of all the kids, as they’ve used their unwarranted fame as reality stars to launch modeling careers that they might’ve had anyway, and they don’t seem to be nearly as entitled and horrendously self centered as their older sisters. Granted, they do hang around Justin Bieber and Harry Styles and are therefore never going to be totally okay in our view, but they’re not so bad otherwise…they also have Bruce Jenner blood in them, so at any given moment they could spontaneously win a gold medal in some sport no one watches except when the Olympics are on and become heroes to us all. Also, they might someday be covered in tattoos, so we’ve gotta be cool with them.

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So now you might ask: “What makes you think that they will someday be covered in ink?” Well folks, the fact that they’ve entered their “Ohhhh you’re such a good artist Karen, draw a tattoo on meeeee!!” stage makes us think that they might have some actual tattoos in their future. Just to clarify, we’re assuming that they have an artistic friend named Karen, and she really likes to do fake tattoos with a Sharpie marker on her friends. So Karen did some surprisingly solid work on the Jenner sisters, because Kylie was showing off a little gun design on her side recently, and Kendall was rocking a steer skull on her finger; both looked pretty real in pictures. The act of getting fake tattoos after the age of 18 is of course kind of stupid, since one can legally get a real piece of body art at that point in their life, but whatever, Kendall got something put on her body that we could see being sold at a rest stop in New Mexico (the kind that you see signs for all over the highway, so you get really excited for it, but when you get there all they sell is weird Navajo blankets and fireworks…we’re looking at you “South Of The Border”), so she gets weird point for that. Her little sister, while too young for a real tattoo, isn’t too young for dumb ideas and got a handgun on her ribs…because you know, she’s so street. Ugh, that’s terrible, but she’s a kid, so whatever. We’re looking forward to these two getting actual tattoos someday

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