Category Archives: Tony Parker

Tony Parker’s Tattoo…Aren’t Impressive…Or Valid Anymore

It’s hard for us to take Tony Parker seriously, because as we’ve said before, he looks exactly like a giant baby that did a lot of push-ups. Seriously, look at his eye-size-to-face ratio, no matter how many NBA titles he wins, we want to pinch his cheeks and put him a French-flag pattern onesie every time we see him. Not helping him look cool (seriously folks, you know how baby-like you have to be to marry Eva Longoria and dominate in a professional sports and still not look cool?) are his tattoos, which both need to be removed ASAP. For starters, we’re pretty sure he still has the wedding ring ink he got on his finger with his ex-wife Eva; obviously that needs to go. Secondly, he and Longoria also got “Nine” inked on them (on her neck and his hand) during their married years because that’s his jersey number, and while she got hers removed, he still has his. We understand that it’s his number and that if she doesn’t have it anymore, it can technically stay, but it’s a garbage tattoo that needs to be expanded, redone, or removed. Not sure what else we can say folks, but something needs to be done about Tony Parker’s ink.