Someone always has to ruin it for the rest of us…every…freaking…time. Much like Hitler gave weird mini-mustaches a bad name when he decided to make an inept attempt to take over the world, Aaron Hernandez has probably set athletes with tattoos back a solid three decades by being a complete piece of crap. How has he set us all back? Well the act…or * ahem *…acts that he’s perpetrated to set his brother in ink back are multiple shootings, one of which was a murder. Not only did the former New England Patriot’s tight end shoot one of his former friends a while back, but he recently orchestrated one of the sloppiest and most poorly planned murders in history. So now as the heavily tattooed Hernandez awaits a trial that will almost surely produce a conviction or a lengthy plea deal, the National Football League (NFL) is reportedly considering bringing in experts to review the tattoos of incoming players (signed from the draft or as rookie free agents) to rule or confirm possible gang ties and/or criminal ties. You got it folks, just as having tattoos was becoming just another thing, this idiot has gone and turned every kid with a quick forty yard dash and some bad tribal work into a possible perp. We have to imagine that the NFL Players Association (NFLPA) will take issue with the idea, but seeing as how Hernandez reportedly is/was in his high school days a gang member who may in fact have gang tattoos on him, it’s going to be a hard point to argue. It should also be noted that experts have expressed concern that Hernandez will be a target in jail because of his possibly criminal ink, but we’re pretty sure the a dude of his size with the kind of bank account and reputation was going to be a target anyway, so his ink is kinf of a moot point. We would’ve been more surprised if no one messed with him, especially people who hate the Patriots and lack mental stability…which is a ton of people. Anyhow, once this practice becomes common in football, expect it to find its way into other leagues and sports. So if you’re trying to make a career out of being an athlete, maybe reconsider getting your block number inked on your arm, or be ready to spend a lot of cash on laser removal when the time comes to pose for that Wheaties box.
Okay all you athletes out there, how many of you have a favorite coach from your playing days? A coach who was so inspiring, so dedicated, so gung-ho that he or she made every game feel like it was the most important game of your life? Yeah well prepare to be less impressed, because Rick Pitino just one upped everyone.
In February of 2013, when his Louisville Cardinals Basketball Team (NCAA Division 1) sat at a less than impressive 7-4 in the Big East Division, and on the heels of a five overtime loss to Notre Dame, Pitino decided to make the kind of promise that’s usually reserved for movies starring Gene Hackman or Paul Newman. Pitino told his team that if they battled back into the mix and somehow won themselves a National Championship he would get a tattoo. This wouldn’t mean a thing if he looked like us, but considering the fact that he’s almost a senior citizen and doesn’t appear to have any other ink, it’s a pretty big claim. Well it worked, because his team took home the biggest prize in college basketball a couple of months later, and like a man of his word, Pitino hit the tattoo parlor. Here’s where the two-time national champion and former coach of the NBA’s New York Knicks really impressed us even more. Most people wouldn’t have gone through with the promise, they would’ve said that it was done for motivation and that since it worked, it could end there. However, Pitino not only got the ink in a timely manner, but he got a big ole’ honker of a first tat! He didn’t wuss out and get something tiny, no, he got a “L, 2013 National Champions, 35-5” piece that covers most of his left shoulder blade; he even got color! So color us impressed Rick.
Now some of the more annoying people in the media have already said that Pitino is setting a poor precedent for coaching behavior, and that his actions will lead to a ton of coaches making big crazy promises to inspire their teams. Well…ummmmmm…who cares? He made a big claim and backed it up, and in the process showed a bunch of kids that not everything adults tell them is a lie or an empty promise, and if this leads to coaches doing crazy things to inspire their teams then great. Sports in America have become often jaded and devoid of true excitement, so if things happen to get a little more interesting because of this, then we’re even more impressed with Rick Pitino’s actions. Tat on Rick!
Talk about commitment! While most NCAA Division One football recruits show their support for their soon-to-be teams by doning a hat or a sweater, Rueben Foster is showing that he’s will to make a lifetime commitment to Auburn University. The top rated highschool linebacker in the nation, Foster recently announced his intent to attend the storied football school. And showed his dedication by getting the Auburn logo tattooed on his forearm…really big. The tattoo covers most of his gigantic forearm and shows that Foster wants nothing more than to play for his favorite college. Is it the best idea? Not really, but we kind of like it. It shows a love of the team’s tradtion, and a dedication the the squad over himself that we hope translates into a productive collegiate career and eventually some cash in the National Football League. So give ’em hell Rueben, we’re rooting for you!
With her recent medal at the 2011 World Gymnastics Championships, Alicia Sacramone became the most decorated female athlete in the history of the competition. With her neck tattoo, she’s also…well…one of the most decorated female athletes in the history of the competition. Sacramone, who competed in the 2008 Bejing Olympics and who looks to compete in 2012 has the Olympic symbol inked on the back of her neck. She got it right after the 2008 games, which weren’t really a great time for her, but which yielded her a Silver medal regardless. The tattoo is presumably to show team spirit, which Sacramone is known for having in spades. We don’t love the low placement of the ink, but we love the spirit of it and think it looks very good on her.
What. Is. He. Thinking? Yes folks, that’s a real tattoo of the ESPN logo on someone’s face. Hoping it would get him enough attention that he’d make it on to ESPN’s Sportscenter, this severely mislead young man decided that he would get the network tattooed on the side of his face above his eyebrow. This is easily one of the worst ideas in the history of bad ideas. It’s a corporate logo for a corporation that he doesn’t work for that covers sports and he’s not an athlete. We could understand if an up and coming NFL player got ESPN inked on him as a reminder to his opponents that he will make highlights out them, but this is just a normal guy who now will conjure images of Chris Berman wherever he goes. We’d love to support this kind of stupidity, but we can’t think a reason why we would. You’ve failed my friend, no top ten plays, no WebGem, no Espy, just a stupid tattoo.
Let’s be honest folks, there’s nothing that’s not creepy about this guy. Everyone say “Hi!” to diehard Chicago Bears fan Glenn Timmerman, the man who has way too many tattoos of his favorite team. Amongst Glenn’s Bear-loving ink is the logo on the back of his head, the giant grizzly bear on his shoulder, a Super Bowl Twenty logo on his neck, another grizzly on his opposite shoulder, various art-pieces of Soldier Field, various player-picture pieces and a bunch of player autographs. By our current definition, “a bunch” stands for 126 different autographs that began with Otis Wilson and hopefully end someday with Jim McMahon, Gale Sayers, and Jay Cutler. Mind you, he doesn’t just go find the autograph at a convention, or buy it online; he goes and has the player sign his body and then he goes directly to the tattoo shop and has it made permanent. Wow, that’s dedication…weird dedication that would make us concerned for him if we knew him, but dedication either way.
Eleven years is a long time to wait to finish a tattoo, but we guess this guy really likes dead baseball players. The ”guy” in question is Mike McWain of Pasco, Washinton (US); he spent eleven years, 180 hours in the chair, and $10 thousand to get a mural on his back and arms that he refers to as his own “Field of Dreams”. The ink features the likenesses of “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, Honus Wagner, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Ted Williams, Lou Gehrig, Walter Johnson and Ty Cobb; set over images that connect the game with the hands of a higher power; the tattoo also features historic Yankee Stadium, Ty Cobb sliding cleats up, and his children (he wants them to be surrounded by the game). Looking at it, it really is a lot like the movie Field Of Dreams, except with less Kevin Costner and more semi-creepy depictions of baseball heaven. According to McWain, the piece took so long to finish because of the switch in priorities that came with the birth of his kids who, now around eleven years old, are apparently no longer that important.